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Crab's Corner-Women Don't Need Trainers

Story ID:10121
Written by:Lisa Godin (bio, other stories)
Story type:Musings, Essays and Such
Location:Cleveland Ohio USA
Year:2014
Person:me
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"How Is Dating Like Dog Training? Show Patience and Finesse

By Georgia Lasure

No woman wants to be compared to a dog - or does she? Isn't a dog supposed to be man's best friend? No matter how unpopular the analogy might be, see if you recognize some similarities between training your dog and cultivating a relationship with your new girlfriend.

Find a Balance of Power
In any relationship, whether canines or only people are involved, there's a bit of tension as you determine the balance of power. You have to make some adjustments based on how each of you responds to the other.

When your dog pulls on her leash, you have to pull back firmly, and let her know that you're the alpha dog in the pack. Well, when it comes to a new girlfriend, you each tend to pull back and forth a bit, until you understand the blend of taking and giving control that works for your relationship.

Project Strength and Confidence
Even if she likes to direct your activities, she wants you to be a strong partner. So project a positive image - be strong, decisive, and follow through. Show her that you know where you want to go and have a plan for getting there.

Adjust to Her Personality
No matter what you think the best balance of power is, your girlfriend might think differently. If you want to stay out of the dog house, you definitely will have to learn some new tricks. If you're going to cohabitate happily, or even just hang out together comfortably, you'll have to adjust your expectations to work with your girlfriend's unique personality.

Put in the Time
Acknowledge that change doesn't happen overnight. When you want your pet to respond to your training methods, you have to work with her consistently every day. Likewise, if you want your sweetheart to recognize your needs and desires, you'll have to spend time with her regularly, sharing your feelings and listening to hers, getting into a comfort zone.

Send Out Good Energy
Like dogs, most people respond to encouraging words and positive energy. Make sure your new girlfriend knows that you're interested in hanging out with her in particular and want to spend time together. Just as you praise your dog when she's doing something right, you should express to your girlfriend what in particular you like about her. And make sure she also knows what kind of positive encouragement you respond to - enough said!

Share the Good and Bad
Nobody's perfect - not you, not your dog, not your girlfriend. So sometimes you have to deal with crap. Sometimes you just need to cuddle. Sometimes you need to go away and lick your wounds. OK, no more clichés!

But seriously, take the good with the bad and get over it. Be there for each other, like your ever-faithful dog. Forgive and take comfort in your togetherness. Make her feel safe just being around you. When you get that trusting, "I want all your attention" look (maybe even with some panting involved), you know your efforts are paying off."

You can imagine how angry I am over this. This is a fantastic demonstration how women like being treated like dirt and to have a woman write this article, make excuses, and continue to write this crap makes me want to slap her silly.

"No woman wants to be compared to a dog - or does she? Isn't a dog supposed to be man's best friend? No matter how unpopular the analogy might be, see if you recognize some similarities between training your dog and cultivating a relationship with your new girlfriend."

No SELF-RESPECTING woman wants to be compared to a dog! Heads up guys. Strong-willed women are NOT in training! Weakling women will wag their hypothetical tails for you and pant with excitement. I've had plenty of men come and go. They went when they discovered they weren't my pack leader because I'm a human being NOT an animal. You don't like my independent nature, expect submissive fawning like a dog, there's the door. Cultivating a relationship with your girlfriend will only happen when you treat her like the human being she is. If you're unable or unwilling to treat a woman as you want to be treated, if she's a self-respecting woman and you treat her like a dog, she'll dump you off at the 'Shelter' where you belong.

"Find a Balance of Power
In any relationship, whether canines or only people are involved, there's a bit of tension as you determine the balance of power. You have to make some adjustments based on how each of you responds to the other."

Wrong. As a dog owner if we persist with this pathetic analogy, the "balance of power" is pack leader over subordinate. In a pack each member knows their place. Human women do not have a submissive 'place'. Human relationships do NOT function as a pack unit. It's one of give and take, not him always taking and she always giving. As many men discover with women when she gets fed up of always giving and never getting, they leave.

"Put in the Time
Acknowledge that change doesn't happen overnight. When you want your pet to respond to your training methods, you have to work with her consistently every day. Likewise, if you want your sweetheart to recognize your needs and desires, you'll have to spend time with her regularly, sharing your feelings and listening to hers, getting into a comfort zone."

Women are not 'things' to "change". Your dog is not always female, they're male too, and both have to be handled the same way. Rules, boundaries, and limitations, and yes with consistency. Women are NOT bound by any of your rules, boundaries, and limitations, because we don't need your ruling over us. We do just fine without you. If you want your "sweetheart" to recognize your needs and desires you better start recognizing hers as you aren't the only one who exists in a relationship. She doesn't exist to please you because she's NOT an animal. Share your feelings because that's what human relationships are, men, NOT so you can get what you want. Listen to her because you genuinely care, NOT to get what you want which seems to be your goal in this "comfort zone" of yours.

"Send Out Good Energy
Like dogs, most people respond to encouraging words and positive energy. Make sure your new girlfriend knows that you're interested in hanging out with her in particular and want to spend time together. Just as you praise your dog when she's doing something right, you should express to your girlfriend what in particular you like about her. And make sure she also knows what kind of positive encouragement you respond to - enough said!"

People respond to encouraging words because they don't like being yelled at. Are you showing interest because you want something for it from your lady? Or are you showing interest because you genuinely care. Yes, we women like praise. But we like it because it's human nature. Men like praise too. Women don't respond to kindness because of our gender any more than men. We don't need to have our heads petted or be given a treat. We're with you because we choose to be, not because we have to be. Dogs are people pleasers. Being a people pleaser in humans isn't a good trait in women.

"Share the Good and Bad
Nobody's perfect - not you, not your dog, not your girlfriend. So sometimes you have to deal with crap. Sometimes you just need to cuddle. Sometimes you need to go away and lick your wounds. OK, no more clichés!"

Your dog doesn't share your "good and bad" that's strictly a human trait. Your dog senses how you feel and reacts to it by instinct. Women do NOT, if she's got any self-worth, mold themselves to you by instinct as we have no such instinct. Women aren't dependent on men to survive. I cuddle my dog a lot because as a puppy I taught her that human contact was pleasurable. But I don't always have to be huggy and petty to enjoy her company. My dog is lying beside me as I write. I haven't said a word to her and she's content. I don't have to touch her and she's content. She chooses to be with me. Enjoy your lady's company without expecting submissive fawning and metaphorical tail wagging. If there is "crap" going on with your lady, stop shifting the blame to her. The relationship isn't just you. You give AND take. You don't take. You don't give with the sole goal of getting something for it.

"When your dog pulls on her leash, you have to pull back firmly, and let her know that you're the alpha dog in the pack. Well, when it comes to a new girlfriend, you each tend to pull back and forth a bit, until you understand the blend of taking and giving control that works for your relationship."

Both male and female dogs pull at their leash because they weren't taught to walk beside you or a little behind you. You never let a dog walk in front of you. Women shouldn't be expected to always walk behind you. She doesn't need a leash to walk beside you. Women who walk ahead of you are just faster walkers so you better just try to keep up. Women don't need choke chains. You, human male, are NOT the "alpha dog" as humans are NOT pack mentality driven. Women are NOT your subordinates. A dog pack leader can ALWAYS be replaced and he knows it. In a wolf pack there's an alpha male AND female. You as a human male can ALWAYS be replaced just as you men are fond of replacing your women. Dogs by nature need to be led. Self-respecting women DO NOT need leading.

"Project Strength and Confidence
Even if she likes to direct your activities, she wants you to be a strong partner. So project a positive image - be strong, decisive, and follow through. Show her that you know where you want to go and have a plan for getting there."

Yes, women admire a strong partner, but they also demand that you admire HER as a strong partner. She can't "direct your activities" if you don't allow it so stop trying to project her as being dominant. "be strong, decisive, and follow through. Show her that you know where you want to go and have a plan for getting there." And what do you do when she does that? You complain. You can be a strong partner all you want, but women aren't tied to you. She's not compelled to wait around for you. If there's something to be done, she'll do it with or without you. There's a big difference between being a "strong partner" and trying to be dominant. She's entitled to be a "strong partner" without your insecurities getting in the way. Women come and go as we please. We don't need your approval or permission. We're with you because we want to be, not because we have to be, and we're just as capable of surviving in the 'wild' without you.

"Adjust to Her Personality
No matter what you think the best balance of power is, your girlfriend might think differently. If you want to stay out of the dog house, you definitely will have to learn some new tricks. If you're going to cohabitate happily, or even just hang out together comfortably, you'll have to adjust your expectations to work with your girlfriend's unique personality."

A good relationship between humans don't need "tricks". A relationship is just that. A relationship. It's NOT a power trip for either of you. Adjust to her personality just as you expect her to adjust to yours because that's how you get along. We don't need patronizing. What is this "expectations" crap? Do you expect her to cater to you? Are you nice to her so she'll be compliant? How come when she has "expectations" that she doesn't need to nag you, that you refuse to do things asked once? How come when she has "expectations" of you not metaphorically sniffing the other end of other women, that you think you're being crowded and crow how "monogamy" isn't a human trait for you but expect it out of her? What "expectations" do men have that they feel that women have to adjust to! How about going in with no "expectations" as you take pride in not really adjusting to her "expectations". Stop having the "expectations" of a relationship only working if you do just enough to keep her 'quiet'! The relationship is not only about YOU. It's TWO people working together getting along together. It's not about the "tricks" of buttering her up so you get all the benefits.

This whole annoying article is mostly about the "tricks" you want to employ to make your 'training' of women easier so you gain, acting as usual, as the center of the universe. You're NOT her universe. There's nothing about equality. You, human male, want the "balance of power" to be in your favor if she'd only comply. I'll do this for her, I'll do that for her ONLY if I get something out of it. I don't have to do any real work. If I'm a good 'trainer' then all will be well, right, human male?

If you think women exist to be 'trained' by you like an animal, and call that a "relationship" then sadly you'll only get 'bitten' in the end.

What's even sadder about this article is that a WOMAN writer thinks that her fellow women need 'trainers' to begin with!

Self-respecting women don't need 'trainers' nor want them!