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Dale's General Store and the Dummy

Story ID:11349
Written by:Ronnie Eugene Jones (bio, link, contact, other stories)
Organization:USAF
Story type:Story
Location:Hermitage Springs Tenn. USA
Year:2017
Person:Dale
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My wife Judy and I decided to drive up in the country and see one of her sisters, but we stopped at Dales General Store first and it looked like they were doing some remodeling work again as Dale, my brother-in-law had saw horses set up out front of the store and was cutting a piece of plywood.

I notice Buddy Collier standing by his Patrol car. He’s the sheriff up here and he’s on his phone with someone. It must have been funny because he’s about doubled over laughing and trying to talk on the phone at the same time.

I see Scooter, he’s the owner and operator of the sawmill over on Highway 25 and he has a new boat hooked behind his truck sitting in the shade over by the coil oil tank. My wife, Judy goes on into the store and I walk over to inspect Scooter’s new boat.

It’s a dandy with everything on it, but cruise control and Scooter is describing how everything works. “We were supposed to go fishing this morning, me and Dale. We planned on being on the water by daylight, but we had unforeseen circumstances this morning.” He says.

‘I didn’t even know Scooter knew how to use those big words unless it come to measuring out board feet from a log, then his mind turned into a calculator.’

“Yes sir, that kin of your’n. The one that’s visitin. You know the one they call Samsonite that’s scared of his own shadow.”

“Scooter its, Sampson and he ain’t my kin, he’s Dots.”

“Yah, one of them Bible names, ain’t it. Anyhow he put everything on hold this morning, it was him that done it,” he said, with a grin on his face, “and I was just an innocent bystander,” and he slaps his leg.

I better go inside as I see Doc’s granddaughter, Mary through the window behind the counter. She fills in for Dale’s wife, Dot sometimes when her Flower shop is slow. I might get the straight story from her as Dale doesn't look too happy right now.

My wife comes out and says, “Give me the keys; I’m going to the house to see Dot. If stay here I might get shot.” …. ‘Well, what is that all about and I go inside.’

Mary looks over at me and says, “I guess you want to know what is going on too. I think I’ll just post it on Facebook so everybody in the state will know.”

She picks up the ringing phone, “No, Ronald. Dale did not shoot Scooter.” And she hangs up. “God, I can’t believe this, that was Ronald Blevins the county agent.”

“Is Dot sick?”

“She wasn’t, but I think she is now. She said it was Dale’s mess, let him clean it up. She is really tee-owed at him, for doing this to poor Sampson.”

I’m looking around and everything seems to be in its normal place other than a mop bucket and mop pushed over against the side of a coke machine.

“Mary, what did Dale do this time?”

“You know how Samson is. Well, Dale thought he’d have a little fun with him. A couple weeks ago Dale was taking some stuff over to the dump and somebody throwed out one of the mannequins like they use in the department stores. We’ll, this one looked more like a midget to me. But, Dale brings it back, cleans it up and dresses it up, looks just like a little cowboy. I think he was going to use it for Halloween, ain’t so sure now. Anyway, he put a red bandanna on its face and put a couple cap pistols in its hands and sets it in the men’s bathroom right on the John looking out the door.. You see the one with the two holes in the door and the water standing under it?”

I take a look around the corner, “How did that happen?”

“He told Samson he was going fishing and Dot was gone and he needed someone to open the store. You know Dale opens real early, so he fingered he’d stay around and see the fun and then go on fishing. Well, Sampson opened up the store and goes on in and sees a light shining under the bathroom door. He opens it and almost had a heart attack, there’s this midget cowboy sitting on the John pointing two pistols at him. Well, he's got his phone out and is punching 911 while he’s running out the front door on the way to his truck. You know he keeps a pump shotgun loaded with buckshot in that truck all the time, I guess if I lived down there in Louisiana, I would too.”

“Well, he gets his shotgun and is sneaking around the building. But he doesn't know Dale is in the basement filming all this on his camera, then Dale goes and gets the dummy and closes the bathroom door before Sampson comes back and puts the dummy behind the steering wheel of his truck which is sitting out of sight.”

“Well, Sampson goes creeping in looking all around. Well, now the door is closed and he cuts loose with that shotgun and blows two holes through the door and busts up the commode. He opens up the door and there’s nobody there and water is going everywhere. So he takes off looking for the midget. He’s got one shell left in his gun. Dale runs back up the stairs shouting for Samson.”

“Sampson finds Dales truck and hollers back, ‘I got him, Dale, he’s trying to steal your truck’ and blows a hole right through the windshield of Dale’s truck blowing the dummy’s head off.”

About that time the phone rings again so I go back outside where Buddy is talking to Dale and Scooter is holding a board Dale done marked off, “What you making Dale?” He gives me a funny look and before Dale can say anything, Buddy says, “He’s ah boarding up the crime scene.”

“What crime scene?”

“Oh, somebody killed Dale’s commode then shot his dummy. I put out an APB, we got us a real serial killer here,” He busts out laughing and walks back to his car.

About that time Earl, he runs a Taxidermy shop over at Celina pulls into the parking lot and hollers out the window at Dale. … “Hay Dale, if that was a legal kill, I’ll stuff and mount that Dummy’s head for free,” and he takes off.

Now I can see steam building up like a pressure cooker with a stuck pop off valve. And ask, “Just where did Sampson, get to?”

Scooter sort of grins and says, “If i’s him , I’d be half way to Louisiana bout now.”

I didn’t know Scooter could run so fast and Dale was right behind him with a piece of two by four.

Yes sir, I think it’s going to be a hot summer around here, right now I think I’ll go get a six pack, a cane pole, find me some shade and just sit down by the lake.