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Uncle Fossill Gets Religeon

Story ID:6245
Written by:bobby o'neill mitchum (bio, contact, other stories)
Story type:Fiction
Location:Phenix City Alabama U.S.A.
Year:2010
Person:Self
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Now my Uncle Fossill.though good hearted and generous as He is,has never been a very religeous man,by that I mean he has never fancied attending a church on a regular basis,nor on an irregular basis for that matter I might add,as a matter of fact,i cant remember but one time when he did attend a church,it was way back yonder,right after He and my Aunt Flossie Mae were married,Uncle Fossill was sort of well known around Podunk Township as a rather rowdy and argumentative type young man,but Aunt Flossie Mae was a sweet and persuasive young lady and so she decided that they would attend a local church which was running a revival and induced Uncle Fossill to accompany Her,thinking no doubt,that it might do Him a bit of good to hear the Word.Well they had no sooner took their seats on those hard wooden pews when a Deacon came around and handed Uncle Fossill a croker sack and Uncle Fossill didn't pay it much mind,being new to church going and all,now for all of you who dont know what a croker sack is,it's simply a burlap bag,like they used to put horse feed or potatos in.Anyway,the good Reverend took His place up on the podium and started to preach his best revival sermon.He had hardly said 3 words before He heard Uncle Fossill yell out "GREATGAWDAMITY!""AMEN" said the Preacher,thumping his Bible and brandishing it in the air "HELLFIREANDAMNATION!"
shouted Uncle Fossill and every one in the church began to clap their hands and praise the Lord for delivering Uncle Fossill into their fold,"Hits a Miracalllll! shouted Aunt Flossie Mae,Fossill is saved!meanwhile Uncle Fossill had began to jump around and stomp the floor screaming GAWDAMITYGAWDIMITYGAWDIMITY! and the preacher was shouting at the top of his voice PRAISTHELORD! FOSSILL HAS GOT RELIGEON!finally the joy of getting Uncle Fossill saved was too great for the small church building and the celebration spilled out into the yard with Uncle Fossill leading the way,still yelling GAWDAMITY!and HELLFIREANDAMNATION!after things quieted down a bit and Aunt Flossie Mae and Uncle Fossill were going back home to their little log cabin,Uncle Fossill leaned over and whispered in Aunt Flossie Mae's ear,"Woman" he said,Why in tarnation didn't yew tell me that they was Rattle Snakes in that dadburned croker sack?
:)
Bob Mitchum