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Uncle Fossill Hires An Attorney

Story ID:6566
Written by:bobby o'neill mitchum (bio, contact, other stories)
Story type:Fiction
Location:Phenix City Alabama U.S.A.
Year:2010
Person:SELF
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Now we all know that times are hard financially
and things are no different up there in Podunk County Tennessee where My Uncle Fossill lives.
And things are especially hard for Attorneys in
that neck of the woods because People in Podunk
Tennessee most always handle thier own problems
without the need for Judges,Attorneys and County
courts getting envolved,I think thats maybe because Everyone in Podunk carries a knife or has a shotgun,and if talking to your neighbor on a face to face basis cant solve the problem,then Folks up there just solve it on a more personel and permanent basis.
Anyway,getting back to this perticular incident,an out of work Attorney (I prefer to call Him an Itenerate)came by My Uncle Fossill's small farm and asked if He could work for food,My Uncle Fossill being a kind and generous man told the Attorney that He (the Attorney,who was an Alabama FootBall Fan)could go down to the Barn and Milk old Bessie the cow and Aunt Flossie Mae would bake up a bunch of big ole buttermilk biscuits,the Attorney said that he had never even seen a real live cow before,let alone milk one.So Uncle Fossill,being also a patient Man,instructed the Attorney who was an avid Alabama foot ball fan on the finer points of cow milking and sent Him on down to the barn with milk pail and milking stool to milk old bessie,Uncle Fossill's very docile milk cow.
The Attorney first forked a lot of hay into old Bessie's stall to keep her happy while He did the milking,placed the milk pail beneath the cow and sat on the milking stool humming an old Alabama Foot Ball tune as He did so,the grasping the teat with both hands gently tugged,expecting to get a stream of milk,how ever the Animal glanced back at the Attorney like he had lost His mind,bellowed loudly and kicked the stool over,knocking the Attorney onto the floor and kicking the milk pail cleanover into the next stall.The Attorney,being a very stubborn Man,fetched the pail and stool back beneath the cow and continued with trying to get old Bessie to give milk.The cow bellowed louder and tried to hook the Attorney with it's horns and again kicked him to the floor,the (by now bruised and battered Attorney)again attempted to milk the cow but Uncle Fossill,on hearing all the ruckus down in the barn came sauntering in and informed the Attorney that He should be 3 stalls down with old Bessie the milk cow instead of in the stall with El Torro his prize Bull! :) :) :)
Bob Mitchum