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Uncle Fossill and the Meanest Man in Podunk Co.Tn.

Story ID:7277
Written by:bobby o'neill mitchum (bio, contact, other stories)
Story type:Fiction
Location:Phenix City Alabama U.S.A.
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Uncle Fossill was in trouble,big trouble,and He knew it.It had came to pass by Uncle Fossill being in the wrong place at the wrong time.He had been down at Mealey Mouth's Pub and sampling too much of old Mealey Mouth's brew when Jack Mewlensky walked up.Now Jack had a very bad reputation in Podunk and every one knew He was a trouble maker from way back,He and Uncle Fossill had had words in the recent past and old Jack had vowed to get even,seeing Uncle Fossill a bit "in His Cups" so to speak He thought that this was His ideal chance to get even.He walkwd up to Uncle Fossill and chalenged Him to a duel of fisticuffs,but being My Uncle Fossill that gentleman told Mr Mewlensky that they would indeed have a meeting and would indeed engage in fisticuffs but it had to be on a certain day so that the whole town could watch,Mr Mewlensky agreed and the date was set.
Uncle Fossill returned Home and drank about 6 cups of Aunt Flossie Mae's coffee and sat out on His front porch and ruminated on His predicament for about an hour.He then dispatched a letter to His Brother in Law up in Memphis,He called His Cousin down in Knoxville and went over to Gatlinburg to visit an old friend to talk with him.
On the appointed day of the great fisticuff chalenge,Mr.Mewlensky was the first to enter Mealey Mouth's Pub,He leaned on the bar and ordered up a glass of Mealey's brew,just as He took His first sip,in walked an very rough looking motor cycle rider type and ordered a bottle of rye whiskey,drank the whole bottle without a pause throwed a dollar on the counter to pay for it,Mealey asked Him if He needed a cahser and the Man said,"nope I aint got the time cause I heard that the meanest man in podunk was coming here today and I am getting outta town,with that said He ran out of the bar and roared off on His cycle,next came in a very large wrestler type,ordered a bottle of rye,drank it,said the same thing and ran off down the street,then came a giant riding a bison with 2 rattle snakes on each arm and a cougar laying on his shoulders,grabbed a bottle of rye,bit the top off the bottle darnk it and said the same thing,looked fearfully up the street and cried "Oh No! I am too late! He's here! Jack Mewlensky looked out of the bar door and saw My Uncle Fossill sauntering down the middle of the street,turned pale,throwed 4 dollars on the bar and lit out of town so fast that he didn't even stir up a dust cloud and has not been seen in Podunk since.He yelled back as he was leaving that Fossill could have the whole town as far as He was concerned.
When Uncle Fossill came in the bar he was accompy'd by His Brother in Law,a wrestler up in Memphis,His Cousin who ran a petting zoo in Knoxville and His friend who owned a Harley Davidson Motor Cycle Shop in Gatlinburg.It is reported that all had a very good time at Mealey Mouth's bar laughing frequently and telling each other how important family and friendship really is.
Bob Mitchum :)