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Uncle Fossill Saves The World

Story ID:7779
Written by:bobby o'neill mitchum (bio, contact, other stories)
Story type:Fiction
Location:Phenix City Alabama U.S.A.
Year:2012
Person:Self
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Now I know that there have been a lot of movies made and tons of stories writen about invaders from space zooming in and trying to conquor our home planet,this is Uncle Fossill's version.My Uncle Fossill called me on the phone the other day and asked me to come and visit him as he had something very important to relate to me,he was so serious sounding that I was afraid that he had something very bad to tell me.
I arrived at his little cabin up there in Podunk County and Township and he immediatly ushered me stright out to his old barn,we sat on two old egg crates and this is the tale he related to me.
Boy,he said (uncle fossill has always called me Boy) I got somthing ta tell yew thas a gonna rais yor e hackles fer certain shore! bout a week ago I was a sittin in tha outhouse bout 9:30 pee M an a contemplatin on plowing thet thar lower 40 with ole bess tha mule when it seems as if'n tha whole north sky was a lit up!an thanking thet i had a set thar all nite I got up and flung open thet thar door and I be dadburned if'n one of them thar sputnik rocketships had landed rite thar outside muh dadburned old barn! Wal sir I was a bit shook up but I kept looking cause on account of muh curiosity had gotten up,but I kept on a thankin thet curiosity killed tha cat,but I kept on lookin anyways,well sir this here door opened up and out crawled tha ugliest dadburned buggy lookin thang I had a ever seed! why Boy hit was so ugly thet it would make yore aunt Flossie Mae's sister shudder,an we both knows thet she's tha ugliest one human being we ever seed,if'n not in looks then at least in personality,anyways this here critter hit made a big ole buzzing sound and a clackity clack noise and gobbled up a dozen eggs rite quick like,then it clacked and buzzed a bit more and advanced over to old Bess my mule,it sorta sampled ole Bess's hide but spat it out and clacked and buzzed some more,then hit came up to me and sampled my ole brogan shoe on muh rite foot,ripping it off and de-solveing it ,then it clacked and buzzed a bit more,wal I ran up yonder to tha house and gets muh ole shot gun and I runs back down here and i shoot the whippersnapper one time,it sorta backed up a bit,buzzed and clacked a lot more then advanced towards me,wal I dont know what todo then,so I run up to tha house and I get muh dab nagged ole fiddle and a jug of my finest brew and I come back down here,wal that critter hit sampled my overall britches up to me knee and clanked and buzzed a bit more,then it sorta sent out a lil feeler and touched muh right pinkie toe! it recoiled a bit and then says I to muh self,well ole bug,if'n yew is gonna eat tha whole world up then we is gonna go out of here with some music! I took me a great swig of my finest brew and that buggy thang kinda jumped back about 6 feet,I said c,mere bug and lets have a drink fore yew eat me! it buzzed and clanked a bit,then i began to play "ole rosin the bow" that thar buggy thang began to screech and it clanked and buzzed i played "soldiers delight and another jig or two and sampled some more brew,thet thar bug hit ran a scrambling back to thet infernal mochine hit had come here in,but I flung some of muh brew on hit and tha dabburned thang melted,i mean not jest that thar bug! but tha whole kit and kaboodle ship and all! hit was gone! wal I sat down rite cheer and contemplated on tha whole thang and I knowed rite away thet no one but yew would believe me,an then I took another swig an another,then I called yew up here an here we set! whut do yew thankbout hit?
Uncle Fossill,I think you and I need another bottle of your special blend of brew,I replied.
Bob Mitchum :)