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Uncle Fossill Meets a Real Outdoorsman

Story ID:7833
Written by:bobby o'neill mitchum (bio, contact, other stories)
Story type:Fiction
Location:Phenix City Alabama U.S.A.
Year:2012
Person:Self
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I was up in Podunk Tennesee recenty to visit my Uncle Fossill,we had gone downtown to Podunk Township to do a little shopping as Uncle Fossill needed some ingrediants to add to his "special brew" as bussiness had been especially brisk,it being winter up there in Podunk and folks had been in dire need of a little "medication" and that special brew was well known to cure every thing from a simple cold to arthritis and everything in between. we were just stnding there when uncle fossill told me this tale:
it was there that he had met a rather strangely dressed fellow,he was wearing a khaki hunting jacket belted around the middle,a snap brim aussie out back hat,aviator sun glasses and even had on a white aviator scarf,he was standing at the bar drinking pink lemonade and bragging about what a great hunter he was,he was telling tales of african safari's,elephant hunts and grizzely bear hunts.
Uncle Fossill allowed to the stranger thet he alowishus Horatio Hornblower Fossill, was among the best,if not the best hunter and outdoorsman in these hyer parts!
The Stranger said that he could see that Mr.Fossill was just a red neck mountain hick and knew not one thing about the outdoors nor hunting!
Right then and there,the great contest began,Uncle Fossill told the stranger to meet him tomarraw an they wuld jest see who in tarnation was the best hunter and outdoorsman!
The next day at the agreed on time,the stranger arrived in a huge land rover,he had a back pack, ahand held GPS and a night vision compass plus a huge browning automatic rifle and titanium camping stove with automatic battery powered lighter,Uncle Fossill had shown up with his old rusty musket and a pack of matches,the stranger unpacked his telescoping fishing rod and a huge array of shiney lures he said to Uncle Fossill,"sir,we shall start the contest with a fishing tourney,Uncle Fossill agreed and they went to the local river,the stranger put a shiney lure on his pole and cast it into the water,uncle fossill had an old night crawler worm,he spat somting on the worm and dropped the hook into the water,pretty soon Uncle Fossill was dragging in a huge trout while the stranger had not even got a nibble,the starnger conceded that part of the contest,next on the agenda was a hiking course,the stranger took out his hand held GPS and looked at it,Uncle Fossill asked him "whut in tarnation is thet thang? the starnger said it was a GPS system.whuts a jeeps sistem?, asked Uncle Fossill,well this GPS tells me where I am and shows me the way to go,said the outdoorsman,ah dang,replied Uncle Fossill,why caint yew jest look at the sun and then ya gonna know which way to go,an if'n yew look up yonder at thet ole mountain peak yew will know jest perzactly whar yew are!as they began the hiking contest,the stranger got so tired that he dropped his back pack along the mountain trail in order to keep up with uncle fossill,thus he had no stove,but Uncle Fossill showed him how to dig and make a dakota hole to cook on,then uncle fossill had to show him how to make a nice warm bed up against an old fallen tree with leaves and branches to keep the rain and wind off them,the starnger had to ask uncle fossill the directions a lot of times,after the contest was over and they had returned to the pub,the stranger took uncle fossills hand in his and sir,I salute you,you are a true outdoorsman! wal sir,yew never did tell me yo're dadburned name!sir my name is...roosevelt,teddy roosevelt.
the end.
this story and the names in this tale are fictitious and any resemblance to actual people living or dead is entirely accidental and unintentional. some of the items mentioned in this tale were not invented in the 1900's but i have taken the liberty to add them in anyway.
hope y'all enjoyed the tale anyway.
Bob Mitchum :) :)