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A Grandfather's Advice -- first date

Story ID:9463
Written by:Richard Laurent. Provencher (bio, contact, other stories)
Organization:Retired
Story type:Letter
Location:Truro Nova Scotia Canada
Year:2013
Person:Richard L. Provencher
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Now that I am older, and wiser I feel so comfortable with advice. Too often no one wants to listen, so I am going to email my grandson this missive. After all, I knew so little when my own son was a teen, with wild eyes whenever a goil came around. Wow, chicks, he used to say, no-no, they are ladies, girls, well yes chicks is really not so bad. Whoa, Iím digressing a little, so back up and get to the subject. Let me think, oh yeah---

---Grandson
At 15 you have responsibilities, and decorum and my advice to you is as follows on your very important step in life, a first date:

Take a shower, yes, I know you do, but keep it under fifteen minutes. Leave some hot water for other people. Itís called consideration, besides, you donít want to meet your girl smelling like a moose, or looking like a lobster. She may not like lobster, even though they are delicious. She may not like moose either. Now where was I---oh yesÖ

Dress up so all your tattoos donít show. She may not like snakes writhing on your arms when you bulge your biceps. Wait until, well youíll find out as you grow older. And do you have to wear your nose ring? Well, if you must. Wear clean clothes, not the ones you kick under the bed. And clean socks, Iíll lend you some if you wish. I know only having only two pairs is hard. But your mom keeps telling you to get more.

Please donít wear those tight jeans, you donít really want to tease her on your first date, bulging all over. Be a gentleman. Oh yes, and donít forget your pocket Bible. Whenever your eyes begin to wander, or you feel crazy, squeeze the good book, you wonít regret it.

Letís see now, got washed, clothed, mouth full of Listerine (you donít have to swallow it, make sure you spit it out); get your dadís jacket he grew out of ten years ago and your best running shoes. I know you only have a pair of boots besides them, but you have to wear something you can dance in and my shoes donít fit you.

Get some flowers, they may mute the smell of your Super Duper two handfuls of shaving lotion youíll probably slather all over yourself. Make sure she smells the flowers right away. Now phone me when you are ready and grandpa will be a chauffeur for this special time. Iíll even open the car door for you, but only this first time. After that, itís up to you.

Now grandson, you know I love you very much and this advice is very important to follow. Every step is important. And after your date is all over , I would like you to send me a note and tell me how much fun you had. Love, from granddad.