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My Autocatography (Part five)

Story ID:9888
Written by:Charles Dishno (bio, contact, other stories)
Story type:Biography
Location:Dillon Montana USA
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My Autocatography (Part five)
By Max - As meowed to Chuck Dishno

Just Being Curious…

This trailer we lived in was called a Fifth-Wheel for some reason which I never did figure out. It had two doors in it – one in the living room and one in the bedroom. The doors had screen doors on them and the screen doors had a sliding panel that would latch.

One evening I saw the panel in the bedroom door had not been shut all the way and decided to jump up in the opening and look out. It took me several attempts but on the third try I made it and hung over the edge. It was a great view of the patio and the table that Chuck let me lay on. I think I even got a glimpse of a bunny rabbit going around the end where the shed was. Soon Chuck saw me and told me to get down which I promptly did. My cat mother told me to always mind your elders and I didn’t want to disappoint her, even though I would never see her again.

A few days later Chuck and Roz were watching TV in the living room when I happened to see that sliding panel open again. Now Chuck hadn’t told me I couldn’t get up there again, at least that’s my story, he just said to get down. I took this opportunity to jump up there again and since I am a fast learner, this time I made it in one try. Once there I looked out but it was dark outside and I couldn’t see much. I really wanted to get to those bunnies and make friends with them. I had no intention of eating one. Just wanted to check them out and be a friend. It was quite a ways down to the patio but I mustered up my courage and took that leap in the dark. I landed on the carpet at the bottom of the steps and after I got my bearings I started to look for the bunnies. The first place I looked was under the shed in back but didn’t see anything so I ventured a little further out in the alley behind the trailer. This was a gravel alley and it felt funny on my feet, not like the kitty litter I was used to stepping on. I looked around for a while but couldn’t see any things that even looked like a bunny. In a few minutes I heard a dog barking that was coming from the trailer behind ours. A few seconds later the door opened and the owner let his dog out on a leash. I think the dog was looking for a place to lift his leg and I sure didn’t want to be the target and be the “news of the day”. I was confused as to which way to go but it looked closer to head for the space under the next trailer, which I did. I felt comfortable and safe there as I could see out and watch that dog do his disgusting duty on all the tires of the trailer. Fortunately, for me he didn’t look under the trailer so I just made myself as small as possible and kept quiet.

I don’t know how long I stayed there but by this time the owner had taken his dog back it and it was quiet again. I was just about to get out from under there when I heard Chuck say to Roz that he thinks Max had gotten out. He sounded frantic and I heard him come out and start calling me. I felt safe where I was so I just sat there and watched Chuck and Roz franticly searched for me. I guess I was feeling ornery so I kept my mouth shut and watched them. They called and called but I still kept quiet. I knew where I was and it was fun watching them searching for me. I knew that when they did find me I would probably get my little butt whipped but for the time being it was worth it. About that time the man with the dog came out to see what was going on and of course he brought his darn dog again. Chuck said that his cat had gotten out and he couldn’t find him. He was sure he hadn’t gone too far but having that dog wouldn’t help. The man then took the dog back inside but not before he had “watered” another tire or too. I couldn’t imagine how one dog could have that much pee, I know I could never have rationed it our like he did. I heard Chuck say that he sure hoped Max didn’t get eaten my some coyote and this really worried me but I decided to stick it out a little while longer.

A few minutes later I saw Roz down on her knees and shining the flashlight under the trailer. All of a sudden the light hit my eyes and Roz let out a yell that she had found me. Chuck got down on his knees and began to shake a bag of kitty treats. Now I was a sucker for Pounce and after a few minutes I gave in to the Pounce enticement and came out. I figured I could stand the butt beating as long as I had my Pounce. Roz promptly picked me up and began to hug me tightly. Chuck and Roz then took me back to the trailer and I thought, well, here it comes and braced myself for a spanking. But instead of a spanking I got hugged like I never had before. I was told how much they loved me and worried that the next morning that all they could find of me was a few furry coyote droppings. Frankly this scared the “kitty hell” out of me and I vowed to never do that again. I also got an extra helping of Pounce which I shared with Amy. I think she was worried too and of course I had to tell her all about my experiences. It sure is nice to be loved. I don’t know how they figure these “nine cat lives” but thought I must down to 7 by now. I must be careful!

Being a Normal Cat…

After my escape attempt I made up my mind that I was going to be a model cat and not cause my loved ones too much grief. At only a little over a year old, I wasn’t too sure what a model cat was but I was willing to give it a try. Amy wasn’t too sure either but she said that if I could do it she could too, so we made a pact to try to please our parents. We sat down and made up some resolutions.

The first one was not to kick out too much kitty litter when we used the potty box. That wasn’t too hard for me since I usually didn’t cover “it” up like Amy did. I just did my duty and jumped out. Amy was always complaining about the big droppings and tried to cover them up. Sometimes she would be in there for five minutes, scraping and scraping. She was much neater than I was but, in my opinion, she smelled much more. I used to kid her and tell her that she should wear a gas mask when she went in and cleaned up. She didn’t think my joke was funny and said that if I would cover up better she wouldn’t have to do all the dirty work. I just commented that I was the macho male and that’s what women cats were for – to take care of their men. That really started a fight and I ended up with kitty litter in my eye. I told her that we shouldn’t start fighting right after we made our first resolution and that calmed things down a bit.

The next resolution was to not leave too much fur on everything. This was no problem for me since I didn’t have any fur to spare but in Amy’s case it was a different story. She had tons of white fur and was very liberal with it. Roz bought a special brush that she would use to comb her with. It was more like a comb than a brush and would get stuck in Amy’s tangles. This would make her growl and yell like mad. Roz just said, it was for her own good and if she didn’t get those tangles out she would have to take her to the vet and have them cut out. I don’t think the threat did any good though as it was a nightly ritual of combing and growling. One time Roz said, “Amy, I have combed enough loose fur out of you that I now have enough to knit another cat.” I really cracked up at the thought of a knitted cat and that made Amy mad.

The third and final resolution was to climb on our parents lap at every opportunity and show our love for them and the good home they provided for us. This was the easiest resolution of all since we had loved those two people since they adopted us, or should I say we adopted them. We were two lucky cats and we knew it!

Along Came Frank…

We were really enjoying our stay in Yuma and being model cats. One day was just about a repeat of the previous one and but never boring.

One day there was a knock at the door and when Roz opened it we were visited by a new couple that we had not seen before. The first thing I looked for was a dog but they didn’t have one or if they did, they didn’t bring it over. Chuck had met them a few days before and invited them to stop by when they had time. They were named Frank and Eleanor. They had a funny last name that I could never pronounce nor could anyone else. It was even harder to spell and I was told that it was a Portuguese name or something like that. Roz introduce us to them and Eleanor promptly picked me up and began to scratch the top of my head. She knew how to win a cat over and I was hooked on her for life. They were really nice people and I could tell that Chuck and Roz thought so too. The only problem I had was understanding Frank. He spoke clearly but was sometimes hard to understand. I was told that this was because he was born and raised in Hawaii and learned to speak Pidgin English. When Amy told me this I kept waiting for a Pigeon to come flying out of his mouth. Amy said I was being bad and not keeping up my vow to be a model cat. I just made a face at her.

This was their first season in the park and they soon decided to make it an annual event. They lived in a place called Kennewick, Washington and came to Yuma with a fifth-wheel trailer. I was relieved to know that they didn’t have a dog or even a cat. I can understand why they didn’t have a dog, but I think every family should have a cat or two. If for no other reason, we don’t run a local “news stand” like those dogs do. Boy, am I hard on those sniffing dogs. Speaking of dogs, Amy told me that they also sniff each other under their tail. It seems to be a way of greeting – wow, that’s gross! I just hope they use a lot of under arm, or should I say, “under-tail” deodorant.

Anyway, back to Frank and Eleanor. They became great friends and came over to visit us often and of course, I always got my head scratching from that nice Eleanor and my laughs at listening to Frank talking. They were always going out to dinner with Chuck and Roz and went to a place called Long John Silver at least once a week and I could always tell when they had been there because they smelled like fish, which of course was one of my favorite smells. They never brought me a sample but after a “head scratching” by Eleanor, my head smelled like fish so I didn’t wash it for a few days. The reason they went to that place was because Frank and Eleanor were Catholic and had to eat fish of Friday. I wonder if a cat can become Catholic? I could go for that “fish on Friday” gimmick.

The other place they would go was Peter Piper Pizza Parlor and get a pepperoni pizza. Now that’s hard for a Siamese cat to say but you should hear Frank pronounce it! I shouldn’t kid him because he is really a nice guy and does lots of things for Chuck & Roz. They will be my friends forever!